i wish that i could feel God every moment of every day. or at least that every time i sat down to spend time with Him, i could feel the joyful whirl of the Holy Spirit.

but i don’t. and based on my conversations with other people, i’m guessing that most don’t experience this either.

these days of winter can be nice in and of themselves, but i happily look forward to the spring. the spring so accurately represents a time of new life.

i have come to realize that in winter i often fall into some thinking that gets me down. i don’t know if it is the cold or the frequently grey skies, but typically during winter i am much more susceptible to lies of dissatisfaction and a heart that is heavily weighted with whatever worries me this year.

for now, i wish to stay in winter and appreciate all its frosty nuances, but i will welcome the spring with music and dancing when it comes.

in the process of this last semester before i really do move on to new things, i feel like a sponge, absorbing everything that i can.

yesterday, at the unfortunate hour of 6:45 am i was getting ready for class, drinking delicious creme brulee coffee, and it occurred to me that i have this habit of taking an entire two or three weeks worth of school work on my shoulders. rather than take school day by day, thus, i spend my entire semester super stressed because i’m always worrying about tomorrow and next week and the week after that. i’m also willing to bet money that this applies to all aspects of my life, leaving me always worrying about tomorrow when the Bible specifically says that’s not a good idea.

but what i really wanted to post about today was some of my thoughts and ponderings on time spent with God (since i just completed my week of reading ephesians) as well as “feeling” Him and communing with the Holy Spirit.

by no means do i really know anything. i just mainly have experience to go off of, mingled with some Biblical knowledge built up over the years.

a lot of times when i read the Bible, i think its good, but i don’t really have any sort of emotion or movement or inspiration. and i think we get hung up here. because there is this pressure to “feel” something or to “get” something every time we read or pray or do whatever. and maybe there are some people who live and walk so closely that this is the case. but so far, i don’t know anyone like this. so i think maybe we should chill. God says that His Word accomplishes His purpose. and if we trust Him, then we can trust that. until i feel more led about this, i’m not going to make any comments about how much i think we should or should not read the Word. but i do think we need to stop having expectations that every time we are supposed to (or even if we just want that, which i do) feel like we are moved or that our lives are changed. because i will say again, life is “long” and sanctification is painfully slow.

something else i have been thinking about lately is the Holy Spirit. i never really thought much about the Holy Spirit until last semester. it seems that many people kind of just leave the Holy Spirit out. the Bible is the most solid thing we have and generally, we prefer that which is black and white (and red). and yes, i would say that it is probably the most important thing we can line our lives up with in following the Lord, but the Holy Spirit is a third of the trinity, He is important.

but there is more room for error. more room to say or do something wrong. but we have grace. and i think we learn as we try and walk in the Holy Spirit. i think we fail. we also fail daily at following the words in the Bible, but since we expect those things, we aren’t as anxious to try and live by what the Bible says. i’m not saying let’s replace the Bible with touchy feely Spirit living. i just want to walk more in Him and with Him. and as i have been growing little by little in following the Holy Spirit, the more joy and desire i have experienced to trust and proclaim the words in His Word.