what i didn’t know i needed.

i think i know what it means to come to the end of yourself.  and i’m not really sure i signed
 up for this.  i thought i was agreeing to a fantastically beautiful, adventurous, and purposeful life. and i was.

but i also unknowingly signed up for surrendering all my desires.

and no longer getting to choose who i love and minister to.

and not getting to decide how and when God provides the things we need.

and not getting to be warm whenever i want to be warm.

and not getting to always be comfortable and lay low.

but, it was about time i learn these lessons. the funny part is, i feel so much better. so much cleaner. and quite a bit more whole.

i don’t constantly feel the need to cleanse myself of all my issues and make myself someone “better” at following God.  first of all, because that concept is ridiculous, and second because when i let myself surrender to the control He already has, i know i am where and how He wants me. and especially because it no longer requires my false perfection.