if there is anything that preparation for this summer has taught me, it is that i am a control monster. oh wait, i already knew that.
packing is an absolute mess. i have lists and lists of what to bring and what not to bring, but they don’t seem to be helpful. the one thing they have in common is “pack light”- which by the way, i hate. i don’t even know what that means. what about too light? because i think it exists. there are still hundreds of situations playing themselves out in my mind in which i’m not prepared and therefore embarrassed because i “packed light.”

its the silly things like this that i get anxious about it but when i think about the deeper issue, i realize that the anxiety comes because i am worried about not being in control. worried about situations that are out of my control- packing my very best yet still being surprised and unprepared- i hate to be unprepared. but i mean…thats life. and i might as well start getting used to it now. but i still hate the thought of not being prepared.

lately, i have been searching for peace. the kind of peace that surpasses all understanding. the peace that in all circumstances and situations still remains that gentle mountain stream in my soul or the sunlight shining through my rested, closed eyelids.

i know that it exists, but i usually only experience it when i am sitting completely still, in the quiet, thinking of Him or even trying to think of nothing at all.

i love the silence, i need it- to soothe the anxiety that often arises and sometimes without provocation. i have always heard that we should live in this silence, hearts being quiet before God. but i just don’t think that is realistic. and i don’t think our hearts always have to be quiet- sometimes they are loud with joyful glee and sometimes they are deeply noisy with remorse. the difference is peace. our hearts should be in peace. peace is such a beautiful concept- one that i am beginning to grasp and beginning to seep in.

there are two kinds of peace- 1. the peace that there is for our souls because of what Christ did for us. and 2. the peace for our hearts that he gives in our circumstances.

we should all meditate more on this. i know meditation and sitting cross-legged in the silence maybe with candles or just in nature has this eastern-negative connotation to some. but i think its glorious.

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today i made my very first necklace for my mom for mother’s day. i spent an hour at hobby lobby completely overwhelmed, considering diving into a world of jewelry making. i decided to refrain for now because i’m already in over my head with painting and photography. but maybe some day i can pick it up, as well as sewing. here is her necklace:

a tip for the day:
if you ever go to a mexican restaurant and have a small hispanic lady who hardly speaks english ask for your drinks, and then you proceed to ask if you can get the ocean margarita in a small and she says yes despite the fact that the picture of it looks very large indeed, beware. i dont care how confident she makes you feel- your margarita will be a doozie.

and just for clarification- that red tube is not a straw, it is yet another shot of tequila. and believe you me, that drink did not need another shot of tequila. i just wish this picture could show scale.