today was a little bit of a mucky day. i was very broody all day long, and not really for any reason. or not any apparent reason, that is.

however, i am an eager subscriber to the idea that without the bad days, the good days aren’t half as good. so i will take my mucky day with a grain of salt and a deep down appreciation of its broodiness.

i received a book from my older sister and her husband in the mail, they are perhaps two of the wisest people i have ever met and i appreciate anything from them and any of the words that come from their mouths. based on the cover (sorry louanne) the book is a little sketch. it has the word GRACE taking up half of the rather plain cover which is one of those bright colors, plain font, no pictures sort of books. you know, the kind you expect to be written by some random “Christian” guy in Bogota, TX with some cheesy title like “God does Miracles TODAY!” or “How to hear God speak directly to YOU.”

BUT, this is louanne and mike we are talking about, so behind the unadorned cover and the dubious title “Transforming Grace: Living Confidently in God’s Unfailing Love” i know this must be a gem. i read the preface and half of the first chapter and i can tell already that at least some of this book is going to be beautiful. let me give you a little taste:

“Our unspoken motto is, ‘God helps those who help themselves.'”

amazing! however incorrect, you know you think that. i can’t tell you how many conversations i have had in which that is the underlying idea, whether or not it is stated to be so. i can also tell that i am going to have a lot to process. a lot to think about, but also i feel like maybe this book may put words to the crazy thoughts i’ve been having about Christianity lately and that it can’t possibly be like it has been for me in the past. the first chapter already has a lot to think about and i am not yet ready to write what i am thinking and feeling but i look forward to it and perhaps you look forward to reading what i have to say.

on another note, there is something that has been confirmed in me over and over (and over!) again this year. i have experienced 2000 leagues of discontentment, wrought by the disappointments and depression of my college years. i have longed for a life that feels like it matters, that is enjoyable, that i love. i long for those moments when joy is at its top notch, unplagued by trials or suffering. some of these moments i have enjoyed in the company of joseph or in the gut-wrenching laughter that befalls me in Allie’s presence.

i want to take those moments and transform them into a lifestyle. and i often wonder what i should be doing after i graduate so as to bring this hope into fruition.

so. over the past year, looking back to the moments that have been the absolute best have been the ones that are completely taken over by the Spirit, when i have this intimacy with God in which i can almost feel Him breathe on my skin. and i truly understand Him, what He’s telling me, receive something from Him, and most of all- know without a doubt that He is right there.

i know that this is the key. the key to my future, the only future in which i will be content. what i am trying to communicate is that my most joyous and satisfying moments are the ones in which i am closest to Him. and so, that is what i want for my future. i had one of these moments today, which inspired me to write. i was just lying on my bed trying to make sense of what i had just read in the grace book when all of a sudden the sun moved from behind a cloud and shined right down on my face and touched me in an instant when i knew God was there and i completely wanted His presence for all of my life. so for those of you who are interested in what I am going to do after I graduate. the answer is that I will take what comes. whatever is his presence in my life. because that’s where i know he leads and where I will be able to find Him.

interesting observation of the day:

“one-night” is apparently able to be used as a verb: “i don’t like her, i one-night her.”

thank you Rocko and Young Jeezy.