everytime i get out of town, if even for a little bit, i have the most wonderful time. this trip to austin left me thinking a million thoughts. perhaps this will help me get some of them out. but many are left as just passing thoughts to be contemplated another day.

this picture reminds me a lot of what this weekend was to me. that dress. my bare feet. spinning in the sunlight. prancing through the grass. there is a part of my soul that cries out and says “YES! yes, there you are tahni. you are home. you are who you are made to be.” if only I could bring this into my every day.

a free gypsy spirit.

this guy kevin shared his testimony in between some of the artists at the UT Island Party and though it may not have seemed like i was listening, it hit my heart very hard. after high school he didn’t feel like university was for him so he moved to thailand and worked in an orphanage. one day, a little boy josiah fell down and was crying. kevin moved to pick him up when people urgently cried “don’t touch him! he may be bleeding.” kevin, heart aching to pick him up, asked why he could not, to which the other quickly replied that josiah had AIDS and that he should not be touched when he is bleeding.

this broke my heart. i cannot imagine. being small and knowing that you have a disease but not fully understanding. and then if you get hurt, no one will touch you. what does that feel like?
God, tenderly touch people like josiah, when others won’t.

this wasn’t the only part of his testimony that touched me.

talking about this little boy led kevin to talk about all the WHYs. why are there people who suffer like this? why this, why that. so many whys. so many things that make us question what God is doing. his solution?

trust.

God says “just trust me.”

this brings me to the last thought from the weekend. through conversations with erin, josiah, and just other random things, this message of “let go.” has reached me. i believe from the Lord. let go of everything. yes, my life. but more than that, let go of trying to do everything. trying to make things happen. trying to fix myself. trying to make myself see or hear God. because i can’t do it. i need to let go and let God move me, change me, speak to me, touch me.

and as erin said- letting go of everything that everyone else expects you to be.

that is liberation.

(spinning photo courtesy of erin riley)