hope deferred.

this proverb resonates with my soul unlike any other. i’ve recently attained an appreciation for the wisdom that is found in the proverbs. but that isn’t why i’m writing. i’m writing because as much as i understand proverbs 13:12, i don’t understand it at all.

when my hopes are deferred, i feel the sickness of heart, i take in the agony of it all. deferred hopes are no stranger to me. and fulfilled longings…well, i don’t remember many of those. this entire lifetime on earth seems to filled with deferred hopes and terrible, never-ending longings.

and not all longings must be fulfilled as a tree of life, because i have seen plenty of unhealthy longings in my day. yet some are not so easily discernible. could this be speaking of a Greater hope? the longing that i believe lies deep within us that God fills? i would say yes. but i’m guessing it also refers to levels that aren’t quite as deep, or pictures that aren’t quite as big.

and so i’m stuck. this verse totters on the edge of my heart, beckoning it to take comfort because deferred hopes are difficult, but it seems to conflict with what i believe about God being the only thing i am allowed to healthily long for and hope in. perhaps what i believe is not quite right.

maybe it refers to the longings that God gives us personally. each and every one of us. maybe this verse calls those longings good, pure, and the act of their fulfillment will bring life into our very bones.

and later in verse 19 it says that “a longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul.” and these are considered part of the wisdom literature. it makes me feel that i should pursue my longings.

these are only mere postulations.

and i want to understand. i don’t want to twist this into my faulty view of life, but i really want to know what it means.

if you have any ideas, please leave a comment. it makes me happy when people comment.