i had high hopes of writing sooner than this but the first week of school is usually kind of hectic. not that every week of school isn’t hectic for me, but it takes awhile to get into the groove of a new schedule and new expectations.

this week has been just as important as any other week in my life but i feel like some things i have learned this week have been more important than others. and because i never got around to writing earlier this week (this is my disclaimer), this post may jump around quite a bit and has the potential to be wordy.

i was hardly looking forward to getting back into my small group that i am a part of as a member of the church i go to. being part of another, non-church based small group in which i am much closer to the people as well as feeling like God has connected us all for His purpose, makes dedication to my community group (the church one) much more difficult.

a month and a half ago, some friends encouraged me to look for and ask why the Lord has placed me in that group. and if He has. and if He has, then there is reason, and it is for my good.

and wouldn’t i know it, this week turned out to be quite encouraging for me.

not only do i have a very dear friend in my group, for it is amazing how quickly i came to love her, but also, i received much confirmation for things that i have written about, labored over, and meditated on all throughout these past five months.

i won’t go into everything, for i have extensively discussed and written some of these things before, but the sweet reminders are worth posting about.

idea number one: seeking to live a life utterly and completely filled to the max with the Holy Spirit. i have tasted ad seen fullness of life with the Holy Spirit and expressed my desire to live always with Him and in what He speaks to me and has for me. because there is no joy and fulfillment that measures up.

idea number two: part of this means living a life of deep community. of sharing vulnerable things with others, looking to the hard questions, and being completely honest. a deep life with Christ is a life of examining yourself and allowing those dear to you to do the same.

idea number three: Jesus doesn’t promise all sorts of crazy things like happiness and answering to our every whim. instead, He gives us hope that is founded on Him and Him alone. and it is to this hope i aspire.

idea number four: learning to live extrasensory. that is, beyond sight, hearing, tasting, touching, and smelling. living for the things that are unseen and eternal. the success that is knowing God truer and seeking what He asks us to seek.

the moral of the story is, again, i can trust Him to have me where He has me until He has me there. because He speaks and moves me as He knows is best.

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i know that i have alluded to this before in a few posts, but my consistency in the Word, for a couple years now, has been shoddy at best. last semester was entirely different than the three before it in that i actually sought and desired to spend more time with God and reading the Bible. it is not that i don’t spend time talking to Him every day, but for some reason, as much as i know i enjoy it and it often brings me to really sweet times, its hard for me to just sit down, be still, be quiet, and read. over last semester and christmas break i read through various things, focusing a lot on the Psalms. the Psalms are no doubt my favorite at this point in my life and have seen me through dark times, but today when i sat down, i wanted to read something of a different nature.

i chose ephesians but felt some frustration because i was thinking it will probably take me forever to get through these six measly chapters at the rate that i actually sit down and read. so i sectioned it off and decided that i am going to take one week, that is- eight days (this friday to next friday) to go through ephesians and read one of the sections every day. yeah, every day, sounds crazy right? i figured i would start small rather than having this huge goal of making myself sit down every day from here to forever. anyway, i will let you know how that goes. i’m asking that He grow me through this.

and on another, and not completely unrelated note, i spent some time meditating (or at least attempting since i’m not exactly sure what that means) on the section for today, which happened to be ephesians one. so much goodness in that chapter i feel like i can’t even digest it all in one day. my meditation led me in a lot of directions- prayer for some specific people and for myself, the implications of the fact that i am God’s daughter, and also into some glorious realizations about my relationship with joseph.

for those of you who know the story, you know that it is a long one that has travelled down the bumpy path, finally resulting in a sparkling sweetness. i realized that it is definitely different. some of the ways are obvious to me, to joseph, and to others. but some of the ways are internal, inside of me, and i’m excited to see them. and here is one: i feel like for the first time, we are working together. in life and in this relationship. perhaps joseph always was, but i never was. for the first time, i am not about myself in a relationship. seeking some personal satisfaction from someone that i really like. it was very selfish. instead, i am working and learning and giving. i am also looking deeper into my own nuances, the things that i do that don’t turn out so well for us. needless to say, it is quite different of me and quite lovely.

and whats more is that my top of the list prayer when it comes to joseph and this relationship, is Colossians 1:17 and He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.

because i know that as much as i love joseph or as much as i have feelings of enjoying him and wanting to be with him, that will not hold the relationship together. but Jesus will. and so i pray that He does.