i have been in dakar for one full day and i can hardly believe that i am here. looking around, it is not as urban as i would have expected for a capital city, but it makes sense.

if i had to give you one word to sum up the craze that is my emotions, it would have to be- uncomfortable. i just really feel uncomfortable about everything. its not the fact that there is no ac, i slept on a mattress on the floor last night with only a towel to cover myself, or that i have already had to eat fish.

its more that i find myself severly awkward when faced with a new group of people. it seems that talking and conversation flow naturally from the mouths of others, leaving me with the feeling that i have nothing of importance to say to anyone.

i wasnt expecting to even be able to write this tonight because the power has been out for hours, which we heard happens a lot because of power problems. there are problems alright, but not the kind you think. its actually very political- the government will turn the power off and use this power (no pun intended) to get what they want. for example, last year before the elections the power was not turned off once during like the 5 weeks leading up to election, then after it was over, it was back to the routin of regular power outage.

i am not worried however because the people here have adapted to that life style and i know that my host family will help me deal with it. i move in tomorrow and i am really excited about meeting them and getting some one on one time with some senegalese.

i am in some sketch room in the back of a “boutique” that is on the corner of a street near our current apartment and i rushed over here without my stuff because i wanted to use whatever time i could to write an update email. also, this computer is older than any computer i have seen and the usb drive doesn’t work so i can’t show you any pictures.

i am excited to get out of the group setting because i feel uncomfortable walking around with 16 white girls all taking pictures and speaking english loudly. i am yearning to feel like i belong, to have a chance to practice my french without being overwhelmed and shamed by the perfect french of some of my peers.

i cant wait to feel like i live here and i am constantly trying to calm myself into believing that i will make it and that the rush that is french going in one ear and out the other will soon begin to organize itself within my over-stressed brain.

we have had orientation today and will continue it all day tomorrow before moving into our individual host homes.

a really sweet moment of my day was this morning. i got up really early and went out onto a balcony and spent some time reading the latter part of romans 12. i have decided that all the instruction in those verses is not something that i should be forcing myself to do, but it is composed of an attitude of the heart that God will be growing in me, and i pray some during this summer.

in these situations, i almost feel fake because i find myself “acting” like a christian in some ways that i don’t always do at home with my closest and loved ones. and i ask myself if i am being fake? and i feel this tension in my soul. and then i read romans 12. that love must be sincere.

anyways, the only thing i have worked out in my head is to continue to serve and to love the people that i am here with. i just think it is weird how my attitude and speech and even some ideas have changed since being here.

i am trying not to be discouraged and looking for the ways in which i can rely more on Him.

i still feel very sheltered from the people here because so far i have mainly interacted with my group. part of me regrets not doing a program that is solely in french because i wonder if i really will leave this country fluent. i love french. unfortunately, everyone also speaks wolof and that is much more natural for them. i found out that i will also be taking wolof while i am here. thats good i guess, i just feel like i am killing myself with languages.

oh my goodness, “i wanna make love in this club” just came on in this little place where french is barely even spoken. t. rob i hope you appreciate that.

there is so much opportunity, so much art to see, so much culture to learn, i feel like i will never manage it all. not to mention get my research for my thesis organized.

okay, my head is killing me and i really should hit the (cold) shower.