(at la patisserie medine in dakar)

over a cup of café au lait in senegal, i had some of my deepest and most refreshing thoughts.

it is no different here in the states. that was the case this morning with a mug of delicious texas pecan medium roast, cicadas humming their usual tune, and sunlight pouring through my windows.

project revamp has been keeping me blogging mostly because i am having the same thoughts over and over again and i don’t wish to pain you with the same circular emotions at all times.

i already feel like i’m having to “lead by example” as my starbucks journal encourages today. as joseph put it, my academic self and spiritual self are in conflict right now. i want to make my parents proud, to boast of all my grand plans and great job interviews and opportunities. but my spiritual self longs for art, photography, relationships, and ministry to people. an 8 to 5 that is just to secure a job doesn’t feel right.

some may consider it naive to not be concerned with a 401k or a secure job, but maybe its bold? maybe we aren’t meant to save up tons of money, maybe job security isn’t life’s numero uno.

a character in elizabethtown realizes that “the entire world holds success as their god” and as much as my academic and responsible self wants to comply, something else in me is adamantly telling me “no.”

i have to lead by example because i’ve been saying that a job doesn’t define me, that i have to stand up for what i believe is right, and that sometimes- the path less taken is the one on which we are being led.

waiting is not easy. no direction is not easy. faith is not easy. it is brave. and courage is something i always push, whether or not i am always good at accepting it.

ultimately, it is MOST important for me to be where God leads and desires me. i’ve said it again and again. and right now, i believe i am doing just that.

this morning, in reading some from 2 Timothy, it dawned on me that Paul was brilliant. i mean, best of the best, cream of the crop. Paul makes my gpa look like a decimal compared to his brilliancy. and ultimately he was a minister. he was mocked and ridiculed and not fully respected by those of this world. and, God used his intelligence in ways i know i don’t even comprehend.

these are the thoughts streaming through my mind at the moment.

i am waiting to see if i get offered a job at a local coffee shop and trying to figure out where i’m taking art and photography next.

one last thing. positively brilliant speech by steve jobs (creator of apple and pixar) about doing what you love. it is 14 minutes long and worth every single second. give it a shot.