i know there has been a wall of silence for weeks now. i have not had the courage to get on here and try to put into words what not even my own thoughts can formulate.

im back in the country now. well, in the country of my citizenship. and if you were to ask how i am adjusting, though im not seemingly unhappy, i would say- not well.

it is not because i miss senegal and hate the united states. its more that i dont feel anything. i dont even really feel like eating. i ate a piece of bread and a banana yesterday. i am slightly hungry but i just dont feel like doing anything about it.

i dont even know how to process three months in senegal. three months of new people, new places, new experiences, new knowledge. three months of isolation from everything and everyone i know. i cant deal with it. i honest to goodness dont know how.

school has begun. my mind has already switched into school survival mode. i am excited to be taking two french classes, they will be a saving grace, as i already miss french and trying to communicate in it. i cant explain why, but when i understand and communicate in a different language, i am beyond excited.

i dont even have a lot to write in this blog. i just wanted to emerge from the long silence and the avoidance of trying to materialize my thoughts. and for those who are curious as to how i am, i wanted to let you know that i am good- i am so content to be reunited with loved ones, to be able to sit in my grecian room and paint, to drink real coffee, and to take courses i am genuinely interested in.

but, i am also not good. as i said before, i cant even deal with the ideas and thoughts being thrown my way. if thrown my way at all. my mind is virtually blank, though i know there are oceans hidden beneath the surface and i havent got a clue how to let them free.