only i could feel overwhelmed after completing my college career. now in a state of perpetual freedom, i find myself looking for what i need to do.

i have been finished for 5 hours now, but my mind is still running off of the fumes of academic achievement. it’s strange because i don’t really feel free. what i really feel is a little purposeless. if my professors are no longer giving me a reason to be and accomplish something, then who and/or what will?

i know the easy answer. i know that ultimately, my purpose lies in knowing God– loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. and then loving people the same way. and really, that is what i have chosen “to do with my life.” but beyond this, i think most of us still have a need to spend our literal time doing something worthwhile. this is the question that i pose.

and without academics to provide the structure of my life from now on, i sense myself needing to grow into someone new. needing to learn that there is purpose beyond good grades and academic success. though i have mused over this topic privately and publicly for the past three years, today i understand that i don’t have it down.

i do however, have a decision made (yay!). inspired by a conversation with my sister and brother-in-law, i realized that God gave us the ability to make decisions. hearts and minds capable of reason and judging what is best, and a spirit to hear from Him and understand Him and where He may lead.

so, here i am. in college station. and for now, i plan to stay. could be one month, could be three, could be one year. i first decided to think about what i want to do with my life and what the best plan of action would be to get there. i know that as i pray and move forward in decisions that seem good and right to me, God can alternate my course. but i know that He has me where He has me and fearing that i am always making the wrong decision or worrying incessantly about whether or not i’m hearing Him well enough is not truth.

walk in love.

that being said, i realized that i have already made the decision as to what i want to do with my life. i want to know God, to follow Him, and to focus on the things that are eternal. people, relationships, Him. i could make the decision to move in with a family member and save money. or i could make the decision to be surrounded by most of the people that have encouraged me and constantly keep me pursuing the things i want to pursue.

it has been growing in me that i never want my life to be about work. that i don’t want to spend 8-5 every day doing something that i don’t believe in. if i can live in college station and afford my bills and spend time with the people i love and continue to be encouraged and inspired, there doesn’t seem to be any other choice. i want to purposefully choose community, like i have been talking about all year. and to choose to focus on things that will last- not money, not photography skills. all those things can be used for the good, but i know that right now- what i am to pursue is this. and if in making this decision, i am led in another direction, then so be it.

(photo of my feet courtesy of katy britten)